I’ve attended and known people from many churches all over the world. Sadly, I’ve seen many people leave those churches. When I listen to the stories I’ve come to find a common denominator – poor communication.

Some of the stories involve one specific breakdown, but many also just seem to be a long line of fractures that lead to a full-on break. In many cases, I find that all issues would have been resolved if one person just went to the other and said a few simple loving words. Instead, there isn’t any communication at all, or it’s done in an indifferent manner.

This article is in no way a tool for wounded/offended people to validate their lack of love towards the church and/or to leave their church. People don’t leave the church, they leave people. But, you can’t love God if you don’t love people (the church), and loving people means turning the other cheek.

We are talking today to shed light on how everyone in the church can participate in creating a healthier family. There’s a balance we need in the church where every person humbly serves each other without complaining, yet are willing to communicate more effectively when needed.

Communication is essential.

I believe that one of the most significant signs of maturity is that someone can communicate well in the face of difficult situations. It is the foundation for any good relationship – marriage, friendship, work, etc.

Without it, people are left guessing, and the enemy jumps at the chance to breed discontentment, bitterness, gossip, and self-criticism. Ambiguous vision-casting from leadership only causes commitment from the congregation to dwindle.

If you want a team that’s passionately marching forward in the direction the Spirit is leading your church, you have to communicate.

Communication isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

Many people take the easy way out by not communicating at all. In all respect, having to deliver difficult news and in the face of complicated decisions is awkward.

If you’re a worship pastor that needs to let someone know they didn’t make the team (or they’re just not cutting it) it’s probably not going to be a fun conversation. I’ve heard of leaders that simply stop scheduling a person without a conversation. Please don’t be this person. Care about the environment you are creating and do what’s best, even if it’s hard.

On the flip side, being ghosted doesn’t feel good, but we don’t live by our feelings, do we? God calls us to always serve and love no matter what happens to us. 

But what should you do when people don’t communicate well?

Responding Well

Slow down – If you feel rushed to take action, get answers, call someone out, whatever it is, you should probably take a chill pill. If you communicate out of emotion rather than peace from God, it will most likely not end well. 

Don’t gossip – As soon as someone doesn’t communicate or treat us well, many times we seek to make sure others around us know about it, validate our feelings, or comfort us in the unknown. Sometimes we want people to know how crappy the other person is and feel bad for us. We must fight this at all costs.

Assume the best – We want answers…to fill in the blank left in the trail of miscommunication. This usually ends in the form of imagining the worst-case scenario. More often than not, I’ve found that the reasoning we jump to is far from the truth. For our heart’s sake, learn to assume the best about people’s motives.

Let Holy Spirit mentor – God will only let you confront someone if it benefits the Kingdom (AKA – more than just yourself). Confrontation should never be a “venting” session. Holy Spirit should be your mentor and always lead you in peace if you’re supposed to talk to someone about conflict.

Communicate it in love – If Holy Spirit gives you peace about addressing problems, do it viewing the other person in the best light possible. If you communicate out of vindication you’re no better than the person who didn’t treat you the best.

A final point to note: Even if your communication is the best it can be, people will not always respond well.

If you give loving, helpful feedback to the worship team to improve, insecure people can still get offended. However, this shouldn’t hold us back from communicating if we are walking in line with Holy Spirit. It’s most likely better to err on the side of over-communicating than under-communicating. 

What are some ways you have seen communication done well in the church? Let us know in the comments below.

You may also be interested in these posts!

• How to Take the Stage and Lead Worship With Confidence
• 3 Ways the Enemy Attacks Worship Leaders: And What You Can Do About It
• I’m a Worship Leader, But Why?
• Episode 15 Having Tough Conversation with Team Members
• Episode 80 • The Reality of Sin on Stage with Benjamin Forehand